My girlfriend (thankfully) came with me to pick her up. She was far more excited than I and very unaware that while going over the paperwork in the shelter, my whole being was screaming that I should just leave and give little Amber to the other family that wanted her. Now this is a huge red flag for me, not just the eebie jebbies. All of my training as a coach tells me that when I feel like this in my body, I had better figure out what’s going on. But it would have to be later as I already felt commited to follow this through.

When we got in the car and were driving home, I had a meltdown. I was crying and telling my stunned friend that I had made a mistake and should not have done this. It’s one of those days when looking back will bring a good laugh for years to come I’m pretty sure.

The next day while in one of my Money Coach Classes we were coaching each other on a spending and earning. I chose to talk about a recent spend. My new puppy. This is what came out of it:

I was a lttle confused because it was a happy thing (for normal people anyway) but also could be not positive in regard to whether I really had the money for this spend or not. Turns out this was avoidance to not feel what I did not want to feel which was:

Alone because my youngest son is leaving and my other two are already gone. Alone because my husband and I worked very odd and different schedules. Alone cause it’s fishin’ season and he’ll be gone more often.

Scared because I don’t know what my role is defined as anymore.

My identity is changing forever. Who am I now?

When this came out I felt like I could breath again. I felt like I wanted to cry but not a confused cry, a relieved cry. Whatever it is, the truth is always better than a lie.

Who would have thought that buying a puppy could mean all of that? Some really cool coaches would.

Thank you.